Early Morning Healing

Today started like most days do… awake, aware, and quietly questioning the same thing I’ve been questioning for a while now:

Why does money still feel hard?

I could feel that the issue wasn’t strategy or effort. It was my beliefs. Somewhere in me lived the idea that I’m poor, that I don’t know how to make large amounts of money on my own, and that survival has always required support from outside myself. When I looked honestly, I could see it wasn’t just mine, it was inherited. Scarcity learned from family, reinforced by years of financial struggle, and tied deeply to attachment and survival.

As the early morning went on, my thoughts shifted away from “mindset” and into something much deeper. It became clear that these beliefs don’t live in the mind they live in the body at this point. They come from conditioning, from generational patterns, from a nervous system that learned early how to survive without safety.

That’s when things moved into somatic work … (the real healing) breath, presence, and allowing instead of forcing. And somewhere in that stillness, the meditation took over.

I found myself moving through my own timeline.

First, with little Kiwi.. the beautiful little girl. The Superstar ⭐️ the child who never had a safe place, who learned to be alone because it was safest place she had. Then the teenage version of me, carrying so much pain and responsibility, forming armor to protect the child underneath. Then the young adult version shaped by trauma, doing her best to survive and become something more.

And instead of trying to fix any of them, I stayed. I listened. I hugged them and I promised protection. I let the emotions come fully and raw. The purge was physical, emotional, and undeniable.

When it passed, something felt complete.

I could see myself clearly at the head of the table.. the woman who I’ve been becoming all along. Confident, beautiful, grounded, capable. The only thing that hasn’t fully shown up yet is the external success the money, the millions, the tangible proof. But for the first time, I understand that it’s not missing because I’m not ready.

It’s coming because I am.

Today wasn’t about affirmations or pretending. It was about integrating the parts of me that learned to survive and allowing myself to finally be the safe place I always needed.

And that changes everything.